Nasal drama

I hate having a face.

On Tuesday, I had a bit of a calamity. It was a well timed calamity and everyone is telling me to sue. That feels a bit dramatic though, really. I'm not the suing type, I'd rather shut up and get on with my life really. I'd love to get paid for doing stupid things occasionally, because that's all it is isn't it. But I don't know, see what you think.

Our facilities management company sent out an email containing the minutes of a recent meeting. One of the issues raised was addressed as follows;

Q: A number of people have reported tripping on the atrium staircase, can we investigate the new stair tread thickness as it is a tripping hazard.
A: There have not been any accidents of this nature reported to the *company* Accident Reporting Helpline and consequently this makes it very difficult to assess the risk. The staircase has been inspected by myself and Another Person who is the Facilities Manager for Bristol and Bath. We are both of an opinion that the stair treads replaced in April 2007 which are only between ground and the first floor are not raised and do not pose a trip hazard, whilst the texture of them might be slightly thicker than on the other stairs they have a tapered leading edge which is perfectly safe. I can only advise that people using this staircase take care whilst doing so.

This was sent at 1.20pm on Tuesday. At 1.45pm, I was on my way down for a cigarette, when I tripped on the aforementioned stair treads and fell down a flight of stairs. All I remember is the ground disappearing and the stairs flying towards me, the crash of my back against something just after I had closed my eyes and suddenly something mashing my nose against my face. When I landed I was on my knees, and remember saying something like "oh shit, I'm bleeding" - which was obvious as after the first few drips it was pretty much pouring out of my face. There were two people behind me who I knew, and they were immediately there - one poor guy who was pretty squeamish and made a polite but desperate exit almost immediately afterwards, and one lovely lady who I have called Mum for yonks because she just looks after people constantly.

The atrium is in the middle of the building. It is not a very subtle place to twat it onto your face and then sit there, white and shaking, while everything you can see slowly turns red. The crowds formed quickly but everyone was nice, either concerned for me or appalled at the bloodbath or both. (To date, only one person has laughed in my face. "What's not to laugh at?") I've heard from several sources that of the people who tried to have a look, not a single person thought it was funny. I work in an office full of cocks so I don't think this is bad going.

Apparently I went white, apologised to everyone a hundred times for being such a bother was not very good at all at being so crowded by concerned people. Polite though, and I didn't cry. I'm quite proud of how I handled the entire thing. This is my blog and I can be a twat if I want to - I was pretty great.

I wanted to go somewhere out of view so was helped into an office while some kind people mopped up the blood. I got very dizzy and quite sick, and was pretty close to passing out. When the colour came back and I was a bit more lucid, I realised I was covered in sweat even though I was ice cold. I don't know if I mentioned this but there was quite a lot of blood, you know. Oh dear god, the blood.

The FM company then sent this:

Ladies and Gents,
Following an unfortunate accident on the atrium staircase this afternoon, a decision has been taken to close off this staircase from the 1st floor down to the ground floor whilst a full investigation into the accident has taken place. Please could I ask all staff to use the lifts or alternative staircases during the investigation.
Apologies for the inconvenience caused.

So there was a hospital visit, and lots of voicemails left for people, a bit of a nightmare trying to park followed by an amusing walk to the hospital where people shielded their kids from me, the blood stained monster who thought all the concerned looks were hilarious. When we got into the lift we were soon joined by a policeman who looked at me funny. "Are you alright?" he said, scratching his bald and shiny head. "Yeah, I've broken my leg" I quipped, then smiled and gestured with the bloody tissues I had still under my nose. "Oh" he replied, looking a tad confused. "Have you done something to your nose as well?"

The worst bit was the nurse cleaning me up. As gentle as she was, there's a cut on the bridge of my nose that must be the point of impact as it was bloody bloody painful when she was wiping all the crusty clots off of there.

I have to go see an ENT specialist on Friday, where he's probably going to poke me a lot. I'm dreading that the most, to be honest. Lots of people have said to sue the FM company but ugh. I'd rather just get on with my life.

Ho hum, eh!