I am the worlds worst procrastinator. Even stuff I actually want to do I somehow find a way to not do it because I've been distracted by some pointless shit. When I reach my death bed, I will look back on all the pointless shit I have done and have to call it my life.

Here's an example of my utter ridiculousness. I got paid a bonus recently, it wasn't much but it was four figures (just!) and that'll cover cutting down the overdraft a bit, buy me a cheapish new digital camera and sort out some wardrobe malfunctions.

So, there are a small number of shops that I prefer, and the evilpixie will probably recoil in horror here. I like next.co.uk for jeans and occasional tops, and work trousers too as I never wear work skirts or suit jackets as they make me feel a bit too much like a corporate whore, particularly as I act like one all day. (Today I had to forecast net incremental earned revenue figures for Q2. I don't even know what that means. I guessed them then cut about 20% off to better my chances, and will just take the tutting when I'm totally fucked at the end of Q2). Anyway. I like dorothyperkins.com for tops, and shoes actually. Shoes also take me to faith.co.uk and office.co.uk. I regularly browse these sites when I am poor and think of all the things I would like to buy, as I am a dreamy kind of idiot. I also do this with Ikea websites. Stop laughing at me!

So, I have the available funds. In fact, they're more than available, they're designated for the purpose of buying some new stuff. Brilliant!

Instead of actually buying this shit, I have come home from work and:

• Checked my emails. Five times.
• Gone on second life, even though I am not djing tonight.
• Literally sat here and refreshed my facebook to see if anything got updated.
• Checked my emails another five times.

Anyway. Fuck it.

I need an outfit for Saturday night. I must look better than my childhood enemy when we go to the same birthday party. We've always been similarly hideously fat, but she's a sad act who has worked in a shop since she was 16 and recently had the baby of a man who is currently in prison for ABH but even when he was allowed out without an electronic tag, he was so ashamed of sleeping with her she has never met his friends. He doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby anymore, which is sad even if he is a total loser, but his loserism does make me laugh.

I've got better tits anyway. And mine don't leak.