Maddie was a girl with a certain Essex charm
She once asked me the time and then bit off my arm
I do alright with just a stump, I'm lucky they say
But that is how I met her that fateful rainy day
Once she had spat out my limb she asked me how I was
I explained about the pain and that she was the cause
And she did apologise which I thought was rather nice
As I tried to stealthily jam the arm into a bucket of ice
I thought of the things that I would never do again
Like clapping, and my mexican wave won't win me any friends
But now I have a Maddie and she doesn't care that I'm a cripple
I will always be here when she wants to flash her nipples
When we realised men were idiots we decided to wed
As all the men we could have dated were sadly fairly dead
We killed them and we weed on them, there may have been some poo
But it will be worth all of the death when we say I do
So here I am, a stumpy twat, my bride calls me Bravetart
But she is the greatest apparently so I give her my heart
She is great and strips a lot and she makes me laugh
And together we will urinate on all who cross our path
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