I think I try so hard to write stories that inevitably involve a main character based on a flawless version of myself because in books there is always a neat ending and a happily ever after and I look so hard for these answers, these final answers that mean everyone is happy and nothing can be broken anymore.

I've been thinking about this a lot today. My stories that are started and never finished, because I have no answers, because there is no such thing as a totally happy ending and everything is made to be broken.

I know the secret to being happy with your world is trusting the people in it not to break, or break you, or break it. But that's hard and can you ever really trust someone that much? Can you trust them enough?

One of the hardest things you can come to terms with is that the person most responsible for breaking unfixable things is yourself. As people who love, we place so much responsibility on the shoulders of those who are around us. They never asked for it. I think that's why I find it really hard to be angry at someone who does something bad to me without realising it will hurt me. The hurt is almost secondary to the intention and if that's not there, what's wrong is in you.

So to the people I love, thank you for putting up with the responsibility that lays on your shoulders. Making me happy is easy and you all do it magnificently. Know that the responsibility is not great, and that you cannot disappoint.

My name is Katey and I think too much.