I am so weirded out by the text messages I got last night from YB. As much as I know that he was just shitfaced, desperate for a shag and looking for "any port in a storm", the fact I have to see him daily after being asked things like "what do I have to say to get you into bed?" and receiving offers such as "drink more with me, we'll fool around, I'm up for it, what do you think?" makes me want to hide under my bed.

I was asked yesterday by someone who'd been on YB and I's training course whether or not there was any truth to the rumours (!! what fucking rumours!) surrounding the nature of our friendship. I laughed, then when I realised he was serious I recoiled in abstract horror.

Sometimes you meet people you would absolutely never want to sleep with in a bajillion years. It's not because he's unattractive, or a shitty person, and I don't know WHY I just would never want to go there. YB is a hot guy, who is hilarious, and truly one of the nicest men around. But... it's HIM. Dear christ.

I kept telling him to delete his sent items, and then pleading with him to delete them, because this is not a conversation I ever want to have with someone who was becoming a really good friend. "I'm sorry for offering to nail you last night" "That's ok, I'm sorry for telling you to go home and jerk off".

Anyway, on a random note, the veins in my foot are super super blue and super super prominent and it's really freaking me out. I hate feet, the other day I was sitting perfectly still and something in my foot was twitching under the skin and I nearly threw up. Why am I such a weirdo?! I don't even hate other people's feet, I just wish mine would fall off. Yeah I'd be a cripple but I wouldn't vomit every time time they moved.

I've always been a big believer in the power and beauty of the right tune at the right time. I'm a sucker for movie soundtracks for that reason, not that I buy them, but I pay attention during the film because sometimes it all comes together so perfectly and that's worth the rest of the time, when it doesn't. One of the main reasons why Vanilla Sky is my absolute favourite film is because of the totally, utterly perfect soundtrack - which seems to be Cameron Crowe's schtick, now that I think about it.

Anyway, tangent. I was walking around at lunchtime and this song appeared on my ipod. Suddenly everything was crisper, it made sense, or it didn't matter. Things were significant but all of the crappy stuff was ok for a while. I wandered around in the sunshine and the air crackled with the beginnings of a storm, I so nearly went and sat by the river and listened to it on repeat as I enjoyed this feeling of calm, the temporary release of this wave of apathy. I did not care about all of the bollocks. I checked my bank balance when I got to the shop and my agency had underpaid me by a day, which put the kibosh on the plans I'd had for the evenings in the weekend, but you know what? Who cares. My ears were full of M83.

Then I walked back to work (the long way) and talked for five seconds to the fittie (winner) and as soon as I got back to my desk, saw a mountain of emails, the post-it messages I want to give myself papercuts with and remembered that I have a massive overdue project that I am going to get jobraped about because I can't escalate it any higher and no one is doing ANYTHING to help... I paused the song and settled back into the world.

It would be nice if that warm, hazy feeling could last longer. But it can't, and it shouldn't, because we all need the stress of day to day to appreciate the wonder in moments like that where all the pieces fit and you realise the picture they make is beautiful.

PS Every time the fittie walks past I can't stop thinking about giving him a blow job. Sorry. I had to say it.

My near death experience......

I thought I was going to die last night! I even worried that if I did die, then i didn't have a will, so where would all my stuff go, who would get/want it...?? These are obviously very important issues.

Anyway, Mr Taxi driver was quite clearly not concentrating on the road and nearly careered off the road into a bollard! I was reasonably intoxicated but the fear of my head being embedded in a luminous yellow bollard was scarily sobering.... as I'm sure you can imagine. I held my husbands hand and prayed that we would make it home in one piece... And to my great surprise, we were delivered to our front door, limbs attached and bones intact, although slightly roughed up...

Serious consideration about the sanity/capabilities of taxi drivers... is this what the world of private hire cars has come to...?? Is an impending feeling of doom supposed to be the norm...?

There is one thing that makes me chuckle right now and i should use the blogging opportunity to tell you all about it (although i am convinced that no one wants to or does read this, except my beautiful Katey), my new word.... BADOOGLED!! its great! i love it!! The official meaning of this word escapes me but i am reasonably sure that it can mean anything that you want it too.... i feel that its best used in an inebriated context... its now my word of the week and must be used at every available opportunity. If anyone is/has reading/read this, you too must adopt this word... i will know, and you must use it as enthusiastically as i do.... Again, i will know if you don't....

Right-o, that's really it. I am hunting for a little inspiration right now so i anyone knows where they sell that on the cheap, please let me know or forward me the website address.... its a problem.

N

:)

Nic and I are homely souls. We like sitting on sofas and lazing in beds, not propping up bars. But we have been this way for many years now and the time has perhaps come to consider having a social life even though there is good TV on. It is a painful prospect.

So last Friday night we ventured, shivering, into the night time air. There were flashing lights, our eyes were not accustomed to the "music" and the "fun" around us was strange and alien. Our fun usually involves Skittles milkshake and laughing at people who are wearing rubbish outfits.

But it was actually a really fun night - Nic admired the bum of one of my colleagues, to his delight as he found her quite awesome also. Oh wait, Nic is sensible and married... I did have to convince her not to cheat on her husband though, which is a) the sign of a good night and b) a reason for Nic to be proud as she did not do anything bad at all. Go Nic!

There was a mild debacle with Fittie, in that he DID NOT PHONE (what a boy thing to do) however he did flirt mildly which is enough to make me panic and hyperventilate for two hours. Yes I am a bit pathetic. I don't mind though. He also somehow said he had my number... concerning as I have never given it to him. Well, not concerning, actually it's kind of great, but how did he get it!? Why won't he use it!? I hate these questions.

We were joined by a man we shall call GCPB. He has a weird beard. Honestly, some things should be illegal. His chin is definitely one of them. Maybe illegal is a bit harsh... it should just not be allowed within my line of vision. Which is hard as I see him daily. They should give us compensation for mental damage caused by the bizarre stuff sprouting out of his chin.

I love my Nicola and, in some strange platonic marriage kinda way, for the rest of my days I promise to look after her in any way she needs and be the best Katey I can be to make her smile. Everyone needs a friend like my Nic but you can't have this one, she's mine.

Me, Katey and our magic adventure.....

There are few things that i know or feel with absolute certainty, one of which is that i love Katey, in so many ways that it would be difficult to list.... I worry about her a lot. I quite often feel that i let her down, only because i know she wont talk to me about the things that are really bothering her. I know that she feels that some of the stuff is too much to put onto other people and that she can cope with it all alone, but i just cant help be think that one day my Katey is not going to be able to hold it all in anymore.... and there will be Katey shaped brain pieces all over the place!!!! And of course, that is the last thing that i would ever like to happen. So, i guess what i am saying is, Katey, you can talk to me about anything, nothing will ever be too much - you mean the world to me, my beautiful, and i would do anything to make the world a more just a fair place for you (my talents are slightly limited though, but if i could do it, i will.). I just want my Katey to be happy......



My beautiful, wonderful, amazing Katey and I went on our First Time, In a Long Time piss up. Entertaining on so many levels!

Before we went out, we discussed the possibility that what we thought we were missing, we wouldn't actually miss and maybe we might not have as good a time as we had hoped we would. Essentially, it was a completely redundant point (at least i think so, i hope Katey does too...) because we had a great time... we drank, we laughed, we just had a wonderful time (even trying to evade the sub-human inexplicable ginger beard! long story but seriously, you wouldn't want to know!), went home and felt like shite for the rest of the weekend. It was, however, totally worth the unrelenting torture (i really dont think that my body was convinced about the wonderful time that i had, even over 48hrs later, my muscles feel like they are going to explode! nice!).

During our adventure of the Alcoholic variety, and i hope that a)no one reads this, and b) Katey will not kill me for the following..... anyway, i met a 'bloke' that Katey works with but OMG!!!!! I swear, if i was single, that man would have a lot to worry about..... he may as well just book the hospital stay in advance, it would only be fair to warn him that his state of physical health would suffer..... in a good way (maybe that's just for me....). And he peachy little bum!!!! But the dancing, oh god, not the dancing!!!! Lets just say, his style was unique!



So, anyway, really looking forward to the next round..... But wont be for about 2 weeks....



XX

Nic has a second life and that is too awesome for words!

OK I am sitting on my bed about to nearly be late for work just because I absolutely had to download a song to listen to because it's stuck in loop in my head. And that took a few minutes more than I wanted it to and now I'm like, buh, I have to get the later bus which is uber later and I have some time to kill.

This week has been quite difficult. Last Sunday my mum went missing. It was seriously one of the scariest things I've ever been through, which sounds awfully dramatic and all. Eventually at 1am I called the police, a shaking hysterical mess, only to get freaked out when I told them what kind of car my mum has and the police woman thingy put me on hold and then came back what seemed like three hours later to ask me if I had the means of getting to a hospital if necessary. (No!)

Panic attacks have never been so snotty, let me tell you.

Eventually she did come home, and she had been with her ex boyfriend who I hate because a) he is an alcoholic knob who does not make mum happy, and b) he used to smack me around until one day I smacked him back. Imagine a little 18 year old Katey (OK, not that little) squaring up to some big old drunk guy and socking him on the chin. Luckily we were outside when that happened, and I ran inside to phone mum while he tried to break the door down, and mum said "what did you do to provoke him?" I remember hiding in my room talking online to my friend, who in this blog shall be called Hugh, shaking with the exhileration of smacking him and the anger at mum's reaction.

Ahhh love makes people blind and stupid and tasteless.

Work has also been awful this week. I enjoy my job, I look after the accounts of huge companies you know the names of for an even huger company you definitely know the name of, and I sell them the bits and bobs that makes their business actually function. But oh dear christ, the volume of work is just silly. I get so stressed I feel sick, like there's a vat of gloopy awfulness in my stomach, sloshing around and threatening to spill over and make me projectile vomit all over the phone the next time it rings.


My crush on Fittie is not subsiding. It would be a whole lot easier if he wasn't so utterly and completely attractive in every single way, and easier still if he were not the nicest, funniest man I have known in a long time and quite possibly ever. He needs to get with his hot blonde housemate, stat, because he is too gorgeous for the likes of me. I will end up with a nice nerd who shares my alliance with Nintendo and penchant for Asian cinema, and Fittie will go be a vagrant in some far flung country with a gorgeous model. That is the way of the world.

I would just like to thank Katey for her unwaivering support throughout my initial experience with Second Life..... Amazing!!
Despite being slightly retarded, i managed to get there eventually although Katey did have to set me up properly with clothes/hair/randoms etc....
I think this is going to be promising.

To my suprise, my husband was, of course, completely amazed and thought it would be a wonderful way to further expand my horizons, meet some new people and generally have a little giggle!!! I think his exact words were 'so that isnt something that a geek would do, is it??' Like its at all possable to be a geek and stoner at the same time! Genetically impossable!

Never mind though, i am hugely excited about my next visit.... Yay me!!!

(I AM NOT A GEEK AND ANYONE WHO SAYS I AM WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND BEATEN TO DEATH WITH THEIR OWN LEGS!!!)

milkshakes in the park....... mmmmm....

As far as weekends go, this one was brilliant. I spent the majority of Saturday sat in the beautiful sun (going very pink) with a cup full of Happiness (skittles milkshake, and before you say anything, it really does taste like happiness!)

Unfortunately i think this week will be taking a downwards spiral (until Friday and my sociable outing with Katey!). I'm not looking forward to this week at all. There are just too many things to think about and too many decisions that need to be made, surely this is a grown ups job. I cant make decisions, under any circumstances (far too much responsibility) I always get it wrong.... and isn't that why i got married in the first place, so that someone else can do all that important stuff for me....

Anyway, truckin' on..... I'm not sure what this is all about, just random garble for today..... until next time... will try to have something a little more interesting and less random next time...

:)

I think I try so hard to write stories that inevitably involve a main character based on a flawless version of myself because in books there is always a neat ending and a happily ever after and I look so hard for these answers, these final answers that mean everyone is happy and nothing can be broken anymore.

I've been thinking about this a lot today. My stories that are started and never finished, because I have no answers, because there is no such thing as a totally happy ending and everything is made to be broken.

I know the secret to being happy with your world is trusting the people in it not to break, or break you, or break it. But that's hard and can you ever really trust someone that much? Can you trust them enough?

One of the hardest things you can come to terms with is that the person most responsible for breaking unfixable things is yourself. As people who love, we place so much responsibility on the shoulders of those who are around us. They never asked for it. I think that's why I find it really hard to be angry at someone who does something bad to me without realising it will hurt me. The hurt is almost secondary to the intention and if that's not there, what's wrong is in you.

So to the people I love, thank you for putting up with the responsibility that lays on your shoulders. Making me happy is easy and you all do it magnificently. Know that the responsibility is not great, and that you cannot disappoint.

My name is Katey and I think too much.

Why Rainbows Are Gay

I had a nice day out today with Nicola that entertained me royally. I'm sure we'll write about the actual contents of it at some point. However, when I got home (after getting weed on by my lovely nephew who is lovely, but full of wee) I fell asleep for six hours. I got home at 6pm so this has made my night difficult.

It's latelatelate right now and I can't sleep because my head keeps singing "Zippy and Bungle went to the jungle looking for lots of fun, Zippy got silly and pulled out his willy and shoved it up Bungle's bum"

It's hardly the most mature ditty but seriously, my head is driving me mad with it.

I have one sunburned arm and amusing strapmarks that come from wearing a racerback tank top with a normal bra. Skittles is still the best milkshake flavour ever.

This is my first too.... Blogger virgin!



I love the way that Katey calls me the sensible one.... I feel that this is slightly misleading and i wouldn't want to set my self up for failure and humiliation (this comes quite naturally so i don't need any help, Thanks).



Right, lets get the mundane crap out of the way..... am 23, live with husband in house i hate, have a job that makes me want to kill myself and a boss that makes me want jump from the roof!! I have been made redundant today.... that sucks quite a lot, as you can probably imagine!



I would tell you (anyone who is out there reading....) all about hobbies and interest and all that shite but i may as well attach a CV! Blah! The only thing that is important enough at this stage is that my main interest is sleeping, I can do it all day, I can do it all night, I can do it if i have already had 8 hours, and I would stay in bed permanently if i could.... I love my bed... (its close between the bed and the husband, but don't tell him that......).

First post

This is the first post in our new blog. We've been talking about doing this basically forever because we have a lot of interesting things to say. No, it's just because we talk a lot. Mostly to each other though.

I am Katey and I am the retard. Nicola is the sensible married one. I just dribble a bit.

I think we should introduce ourselves in case anyone finds this or in case we get a book deal one day (unlikely, one of us may have to become a hooker or commit some crimes for this to happen)

I live in the countryside on the outskirts of a city and have a job and occasionally some hobbies, one of my favourites of which is spending Saturday afternoons mooching around the city centre with Nicola drinking milkshakes/Starbucks and buying crap I don't need with money I don't have.

Yes that is definitely my favourite hobby.

We have discovered this amazing and new milkshake place that makes the most fantastic milkshakes in the entire universe. It is better than sex, and when people scoff at this suggestion and tell us that we merely need some good sex, we stop drooling over the menu for long enough to ask that they try a milkshake to believe the truth we have discovered.